February is Valentine’s month. I grew up in a culture much different from the US. I have been here for 35 years, more years than I lived in the country where I was born and spent the first 18 years of my life. Eighteen years was enough time to be much enculturated in the local traditions.
When I first encountered Valentine’s Day, I was intrigued. I wondered why we spend so much money buying cards to say things we can openly say to one another. Even more strangely, people mail cards to people who live in the same house! I consider Hallmark an American invention.
A kind friend explained to me that the flowers, chocolates, candies, cards and gifts are tokens of love you give to your sweetheart and loved ones to tell them how much you love them. As a young foreigner, I found this custom rather strange. What do people do during the other months of the year? How do people show love if not for flowers, chocolates, cards and gifts?
Decades later, my work is to help people get out of being stuck in unhappy relationships. Some clients have no idea how to express love beyond the Valentine culture. Often I ask clients to write down 101 ways to say I love you without saying the words. They are stumped.
Further, many people have no idea what they need to feel or receive love. When asked to describe circumstances where they feel loved, they are at a loss. The source of much unhappiness comes from feeling unloved, followed by feeling unlovable. The worse fear is when one feels insecure or unsafe in relationships.
Like picking the petals off a daisy; he loves me, he loves me not; ambiguity and self-doubt manifest as fear. Jealousy is fear. Anger is fear. Frustration is fear. Anxiety is fear. Depression is fear. Rejection is amongst the greatest of fears.
If you have never learned what love is or can be; if you have never learned how and when to feel loved; if your idea of love is founded only on roses, candies and gifts; if you rely on a manufactured card to say the words to want to say; if love comes only in February, no wonder one feels unsafe and unloved.
What we know to be love or fear is learned very early in life. If love is as amorphous and temporary as Valentine Day’s expressions, it explains a lot about adult emotional life. Such a perspective does not serve or help one feel safe and happy. But that can change. If bad childhood experiences have set a negative landscape of fear and anxiety, These stories can be revised through hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy uses a trance state to bypass the logical mind, going directly to the subconscious to uncover hidden fears. Those fears are then transformed into love; healing emotional scars and removing blocks. With fears resolved, you can truly feel loved and be happy.
Resolutions work only when they have the right emotional support, and commitment begins with intent. This year, as you seek love and acceptance, resolve to identify and transform your fears. When you first love yourself, you can truly open up your capacity to receive love. Experience Valentine’s Day throughout the year.